What’s your name and how old are you? Joel Ewing and I’m 44.
Ever had a cool nickname? Cool? I don’t think so. Just Joel the Mole, which was not a nickname, it was more of a… this kid we carpooled with, he called me that, and he knew it would get me mad every time. Oh, wait, I did have one! I had a hockey coach who called me Speedy Gonzalez, because I was fast. I thought that was cool, but it was just the one coach.
Can we call you that, here at the gym? I don’t think I’m fast anymore. I think I lost that. I think my genes mutated or something.
Married? Kids? Well, common law married (editor’s note: to Coach Hillary). Definitely spiritually married. But not on paper in the state of Oregon. And yes, two kids. Madelyn and Finnegan.
Do they go to the gym like Mom and Dad? They do a bit. Madelyn used to do jiu-jitsu, but she’s in a metal phase now and doesn’t want to do it.
And Finnegan? Will he be lifting weights, punching stuff, or choking people out? Just being a goofball, probably. He’s so goofy. I think he’ll end up in theater or something.
Where did you grow up and what’s your opinion of that place? Well, the longest I lived somewhere was probably Lawrence, Kansas, but I didn’t move there until I was 13. I liked it. It was a cool college town. Kind of like Eugene. Similar-sized town, similar-sized school.
And your dad was teaching there, right? He’s a literal rocket scientist, right? Yeah. An aerospace engineer. He works with graduate students, doing stuff for NASA, the FAA. I think with Amazon, too, doing drone stuff. I think that’s still going on.
Did you ever think about following him into the family business? No, I never really understood what he was doing. I sat in on one of his classes when I was maybe 14, and there were people in the back of his class passing around Tums. They were like, “I don’t even understand what’s going on.” So that didn’t seem like a very good sign.
What’s your all-time favorite movie? I would say Jurassic Park, the first one. I read the book first, and it was maybe the first time I thought a movie lived up to the book.
What was your favorite scene? Where the guy gets eaten while he’s sitting on the toilet? No, I think… I think it was when the guy was stealing the embryos, his Jeep gets swept off, and he gets attacked by the Dilophosaurus. They’re the ones that spit venom on you.
How long have you been a member at the gym? I think since December 2013. A year or two before that, I weighed somewhere around 205, 210, but no muscle, all fat. So I got sick of it and just started running one day. I lived on 52nd, and ran every day around this neighborhood. I did that, changed my diet, and got down to like 155, but I got sick of running. I ran by this gym all the time, so I decided to join.
Yeah, I remember you back then and you were really thin, but you started putting on muscle fast. What are you up to now? Right now, I’m around 205, so about the same weight as before.
But before it was fat, and now it’s rock-hard sexy muscle, right? No, I wouldn’t say it’s rock-hard, but yeah, it’s a better 205 than before. When I was 180, that was pretty shredded, but that was pre-kids.
Do you see yourself ever getting back to 180? I don’t know, maybe, but I’ve found that if I start to go that direction too much, I get more injuries. Plus, my strength kind of wanes.
Tell us about your all-time favorite pet. That’s tough, because we’ve had so many. Dogs have always been my favorite. (long time thinking) I can’t choose. I’ll just say them all.
Kind of a cop-out, but I’ll allow it. Pancakes, waffles, or french toast? Pancakes. Definitely pancakes.
French fries, tater tots, or mashed potatoes? That one’s harder. I’d have to say mashed potatoes, because they’re not as frequent.
With butter or gravy? Both. I think it’s understood that you have to have both. And cream. Heavy cream.
Are mashed potatoes the reason you were a flabby 205? Kinda. They’re much less common now. More of a garnish.
Where in Portland has the best burger? I’m not sure about best, but I’d say my favorite is PDX Sliders, just because you can get a variety. You don’t have to pick just one. But if it’s just one burger, I would say the best I’ve had is at Bamboo Sushi. I don’t like seafood, and the only menu item they have that isn’t seafood is a wagyu burger, and it’s good. Really good.
What’s your favorite workout/movement? It’s either cleans or deadlifts, but… hitting a heavy clean is much more satisfying. It requires both technical ability and strength.
What’s your least favorite workout/movement? I would say pistols, just because they’re gonna blow something out. I can do them, but I just feel like, at some point, something’s gonna give out. That guy (five-time Crossfit Games champion) Matt Fraser, they asked him what he would never do again, now that he doesn’t compete, and he said pistols and handstand push-ups. He said you can get the same stimulus without the risk of injury, and I agree.
What are some things you do in your free time? Other than the gym? Home renovation. Seems like that’s all I do.
What’s the latest project? Well, we’re finishing up the basement, but there’s always more to do. The basement’s taken over a year, and I think the garage is next. I want to insulate and seal it up.
If you could have any superpower, what would it be? I liked Terry’s answer. It was something along the lines of ending suffering or healing people or something. Something along those lines. That’s the superpower I’d want.
Where is the hottest weather you’ve ever been? I honestly think it was the heat dome we had here in 2021. I remember as a kid on a road trip, we saw a thermometer sign that said 112, and we couldn’t believe it, but it was that hot here for days. I think it hit 118 at some point. Maybe even 120. I think Portland was hotter than Death Valley that day.
What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? I’m very basic. Very safe. I won’t eat seafood, and I feel like that’s got a variety of weird stuff. I worked in a restaurant for awhile, and we brought in some rocky mountain oysters, but I didn’t eat them. I’m just very basic with food, always have been.
What’s your current gym goal? 100 unbroken GHD sit-ups. I got up to 70 unbroken, then got sick. I think I can get to 100.
What’s your advice for new members of the gym? Be consistent. I’ve never regretted going to the gym. I’ve never thought, I shouldn’t have gone today. I’ve never thought, darn it, I don’t feel better, because I always do.
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